grammar.htm Humorous Grammar Rules Here is a collection of humorous grammar rules that will make you giggle. 1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects. 2. Never use a preposition to end a sentence with. Winston Churchill, corrected on this error once, responded to the young man who corrected him by saying "Young man, that is the kind of impudence up with which I will not put! 3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. 4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive. 5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.) 6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration. 7. Be more or less specific. 8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary. 9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies endlessly over and over again 10. No sentence fragments. 11. Contractions aren't always necessary and shouldn't be used to excess so donít. 12. Foreign words and phrases are not always apropos. 13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous and can be excessive 14. All generalizations are bad. 15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches. 16. Don't use no double negatives. 17. Avoid excessive use of ampersands & abbrevs., etc. 18. One-word sentences? Eliminate. 19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake (Unless they are as good as gold). 20. The passive voice is to be ignored. 21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words, however, should be enclosed in commas. 22. Never use a big word when substituting a diminutive one would suffice. 23. Donít overuse exclamation points!!! 24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them. 25. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas 26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed and use it correctly with wordsí that show possession. 27. Donít use too many quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations.. Tell me what you know." 28. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a billion times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly. Besides, hyperbole is always overdone, anyway. 29. Puns are for children, not groan readers. 30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms. 31. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed. 32. Who needs rhetorical questions? However, what if there were no rhetorical questions? 33. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement. 34. Avoid "buzz-words"; such integrated transitional scenarios complicate simplistic matters 35. People donít spell "a lot" correctly alot of the time. 36. Each person should use their possessive pronouns correctly 37. All grammar and spelling rules have exceptions (with a few exceptions)....Morganís Law. 38. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out. 39. The dash Ė a sometimes useful punctuation mark Ė can often be overused Ė even though itís a helpful tool some of the time. 40. Proofread carefully to make sure you donít repeat repeat any words. 41. In writing, itís important to remember that dangling sentences. 41. When numbering in a written document, check your numbering system carefully. To be continued... This list is a compilation of quotes I've heard throughout my teaching experience. Some, I just made up :)